Tears are flowing from my eyes. My heart aching from the pain I caused myself. “I cant be a good leader if I can’t even be a good follower.” Self-doubts kept running through my mind. “I’m a failure” “I’m a bad person” “Why am I serving God if I am like this” “I am no good” I just felt confused and weak. I cried myself to sleep.
I shared this to a friend of mine and she told me that doubt is one of the works of the enemies. She shared to me that she, too, experiences these. She’ll explain it to me sometimes that the enemy becomes so jealous of the relationship we’ve made with God that it would be a way for the enemy to tempt you into losing yourself from the love of God. Of course, I didn’t understand that right away. I still felt unworthy.
Last Sunday mass, after I received the communion, I kept apologizing to God quietly in my head for everything I did which hurt other people and broke His heart. I kept repeating the words “I am sorry, Lord” until waterfalls of tears ran down my cheeks and unto my lap. This may sound weird but the tears felt so good, I felt God accepting me and forgiving everything I had done wrong. I stayed after the Mass for the talk and worship at Feast Greenhills. The talk last Sunday was entitled Be loved and I felt God’s love even more.
In the talk, Kuya Jpaul, the Feast Builder of Feast Greenhills, shared the story of Hosea and his wife, Gomer, the prostitute. After so many times Gomer had hurt Hosea, Hosea never stopped loving and accepting her. Even when she left him, Hosea looked for her and gave up everything just to be with her again. Kuya Jpaul emphasized that we are Gomer and God is Hosea in the story. No matter how many times we have hurt God, He still is there for us for He loves us so much. He tells us that we are worthy still of His love. And, at that moment, I completely opened my heart and love overflowed in every inch of my being. That love became my motivation in serving again for Him. That love sparked my drive to live a purposeful life. It’s also amazing that God gives us the freedom to choose our own paths so that we will willingly accept His love and His call. I am excited for God’s plans. We are all destined to do great things for we are loved and created by God. The best is yet to come! Thank you, Lord!
The Feast is a community found by Bro. Bo Sanchez which gathers every week for a mass, worship and a talk. Feast Greenhills, which is where I attend, is led by Kuya Jpaul Hernandez, the author of the book A Young Man’s Manual to a Successful Life and ebook Start your Success story which is available on his website at www.jpaulhernandez.com